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Old 08-19-2009, 04:57 AM
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Default Let me know if this is decent.

While im still here..


My baby thinks im lazy
She always drives me crazy
I cant seem to do nothin right..
But when the work weeks done
im gonna sing me a song...
down at the club on friday night

Chorus:
I spend my days breakin my back,
one day i'll have a heart attack,
and everyone will toast me with a beer,....
but until that day comes, im gonna sing
this country song.. and enjoy my life
while im still here

Verse II:
My baby thinks im lazy
she always drives me crazy
half the time i guess that she is right
she's got me doin hard stuff
just get me to the good stuff
so i can sing this country song on
friday night

Chorus Repeat:

Last edited by hillbilly; 08-19-2009 at 05:00 AM.
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Old 08-19-2009, 05:14 AM
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Default Re: Let me know if this is decent.

Toss some Pantera-sounding stuff behind it and see how it goes. Heh.
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Old 08-19-2009, 07:28 PM
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Default Re: Let me know if this is decent.

It's more than decent. I can totally relate to that song ...

I thought quite a bit about suggestions ... but I can't say much until I hear it against the music. It seems a little wordy in places. I find it hard to phrase all of the words so it flows.

I keep hearing it as a country tune with a repeating rhythm pattern. Something along the lines of Achy Breaky Heart (no insult intended). That being the case:

In the first verse I'd probably delete the word "me" in the second last line.

The second verse, I’d change the last two lines to “so i can sing this song on friday night” – this current line is a lot longer than the first verse, so I'm not sure how you would phrase it as is.

Anyhow, if you submit a version with music I’ll be happy to critique. I can't write lyrics in isolation of the music.
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