my first ever song (original).... i deserve a good bashing!!

[jt6572]

okay, so this is my first ever attempt at writing and recording a song. i started it a month after buying a guitar and downloading tabs to learn and then bought the recording stuff.
i have done everything myself, and i would ask you to be gentle, but i suppose thats not what its about?!
bash away!
jt

[lolgreg]

Originally Posted by jt6572

okay, so this is my first ever attempt at writing and recording a song. i started it a month after buying a guitar and downloading tabs to learn and then bought the recording stuff.
i have done everything myself, and i would ask you to be gentle, but i suppose thats not what its about?!
bash away!
jt

LORD JESUS! Whatever effect you have going on in the intro could have given me ear damage! Let's put that aside...

The biggest issue here, I would say is that you looped the instrument track, so it sounds like a broken record. There is no variation, this is a problem.

The second biggest, the track is BROOTALLY loud. There's a hell of a lot of distortion which is not pleasing to the ears. Either turn the individual tracks down, or your master fader down.

You could actually do something with this. The vocal track is the best thing here, apparently you can sing and have pitch.

Let's address issue by issue.

1. Guitar tone: You are definitely running a distortion pedal right into whatever you using to record, or using a "distortion" plugin. This isn't good because you're bypassing a speaker which "presents" the tone to the microphone/interface. Without a speaker, guitar doesn't good (unless the speaker is being emulated). You COULD put an insert effect on the channel with the voxengo boogex. plugin/speaker simulator You could find this by searching on this website.

2. Drums: You obviously aren't a drummer, no biggie! You used a drum machine of some sort whether it be a keyboard or drum brain. You would be better off with a tambourine and doing some hand percussion (I liked the claps, by the way).

3. You apparently have SOME structure to this song. There's definitely repetition, which is good, but it needs to be spread out more. You ought to TRY to do something real simple like intro verse chorus verse chorus bridge chorus. Your intro, verse and chorus will likely all start on the same note/chord. Your bridge will likely start on a different one. Most intros are just instrumentation and bridges can be either or. Do you know any scales yet? Do you know a good amount of open chords? If not, private message me and I'll do my best to write you out a comprehensive list of some good stuff to help you with.

4. Random synths and things: Good idea, but use them sparingly.

5. The biggest and best piece of advice I've ever gotten is work on the source! Whatever you're micing or recording, make sure it sounds good wherever you're going to be putting the microphone, otherwise you're starting off with a disadvantage,

-Greg

p.s. This isn't at all bad for your first song and first recording.

[jt6572]

hey greg,
thanks very much for listening and for all the input. congratulations on getting all the way through it!
i am very limited in my guitar playing ability, but i do like the distorted sound. i guess i am in my inexperience just not doing it well.
i have a distortion pedal, but just added the effects in Reaper.
originally, the song was intro, verse, chorus, verse, etc, outro, but i like the way a lot of songs from the killers and green day just change. i can see how a sort of 'jesus of suburbia' method could be used for it.
i just used drum wav sounds and copied them throughout the song - took bloody ages!!

thank you very much for your advice. to be honest i am surprised you were complimentary about my singing!! thanks!

jeff.

[rorry]

keep at it man.
I rekon its better than most of the top 10.
oh shit dont take that the wrong way.
I like it ,is what im trying to say and you'll be a force
in a few years.
please dont go mainstream on me
Cool style you have.
cheers

[aubic]

The vocals remind me of David Byrne from Talking Heads.

[Tony Ramone]

Is it weird that I'm thinking of Jello Biafra now?
It sounds good, even if it is a little off tempo in places (I've been accused of that myself )- it gives it a frantic feel.

[jt6572]

wow!
thanks so much for your kind words! i am pretty blown away to be honest!
i am all happy now; i am glad there are such positive and supportive people out there who offer constructive advice and encouragement.

to be honest, i really like the way the guy from interpol sings (the sort of deeper-than-usual-bowie-esque style) and tried a variation of that. sorry, tony, i dont know who Jello Biafra is?! i will look him/her/them up!

thanks again,
jeff

[lolgreg]

Originally Posted by jt6572

i am all happy now; i am glad there are such positive and supportive people out there who offer constructive advice and encouragement.

Actually you stink and so does your song

Sarcasm through the metaphysical, oh Lord.

Regardless, I would hope no one on this forum would attack your songwriting/performance/mixing. We were all there once and there's nothing better than having a nice community where we can all help one another out. I've learned so much since I joined. Don't forget to go out and bash other people's recordings as well; it comes back to you.

-Greg

[AngryMonkey]

Hi JT,
I think this is an excellent first effort. In all honesty I would say:

1. Change the starting effect, i think the rest of the song sits well but it just doesnt need that intro.

2. Overall song volume is higher than average (I dont know the technical terms but if i play your song, then play any other mp3 your song is a lot louder).

Keep at it mate !

AM.

[musichead]

Hey, bro...

this is only my opinion. i hear we have something here you can work with... i am having a bit of a problem finding the head and feet of the song, you don't have to be too structured, but people other than you will possibly not know what the hell is going on (which can be good at times, but only when you mean to throw the listener off balance).

-i'd say: watch out for too much distortion.
-watch out for tempo... make the beat clear and simple.
-i kind of like your tone, sounds quite natural, but try to say the words a little more clear (otherwise we go back to the: what the hell is going on? thing) pronounce as clear as possible, don't be afraid words sound silly... have you ever paid attention to 99% of the songs you love? you don't have to have a brain to make people happy with sounds... hell, i sing Spanish, and people will probably not know what i'm talking about, but the sounds have to be clear, not just hitting the tone...
-the idea is very, very workable... when recording, try to make at least 3 different versions of the song... then another, AND ANOTHER, AND ANOTHER... you will be surprised at how much a song improves on each take when it's new.
-polish the textures a bit, bro, but not too much... it's about finding the right balance between feeling and craft...
-you are confident... but you could be MUCH MORE CONFIDENT... don't have to wait till you're famous to show your REAL SELF.

overall, good juv... lord knows it's tough to write/record/produce on your own... you will get slick soon enough... and NEVER, EVER STOP HAVING FUN... cause even sad songs are a celebration of sadness, music is about JOY OF LIVING (even though what makes you joyful are suicidal thoughts, it's about joy).

As i said: it's just my insignificant opinion...