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How is the music ever goping to be over the top If the producer isn't going for 110%
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Agreed. It's not like you have to yell, curse, or have a temper to be a great producer. However, you must demand respect or the whole thing recording will go to crap immediately. The producing gig is a fairly unique social situation and one where you can not be walked on. This doesn't mean that the producer can't be wrong about a musical idea, but it does mean that if you are late or if you do not put the proper amount of work in, you will be accountable for it.
Producing is about getting the most intense and effective music possible out of your musicians. Some of that is limited by talent, but most of the limitations I see are imposed by laziness. I see people who'd rather watch TV or play video games than do what it takes to make a great record. There is nothing wrong with playing video games, so if a person chooses other interests over music while in the middle of a really serious recording, great. At least you know now.
After engineering so many records were I was not running the show, I've been walked on 1000 times. You learn to avoid these situations like the plague. Of course, recording a few songs in a weekend is nothing like really producing a record. When you produce, you push a singer's buttons in a way like you would never do with someone you don't know well.
This is actually why I'm big with writing songs with the band. Even if none of them make the record, I want to feel comfortable with them before we start tracking. Sometimes, I have to think in my head how I'm going to tell whaever musician that what he played sucks. There are a million ways of doing this but it's much easier finding the right one if you know the person fairly well.
Brandon