I like the mood projected from this song. Slightly dark and dreamy, yet searching for an answer.
Here's my bash...Vocals can be a bit more forceful without losing the desired airy/storytelling effect. Towards the end, the vocal falls out sync (cadence) for a measure causing a flow break up. Also, vocals are not balanced with the music (too loud).
Drums are too far back in the mix. Hard to make out drum tones. A slightly busier drummer would help too.
Guitars! This is where your song really shines! Great slide work! Very pro sounding and very good pitch and tone. Double the guitar tracks...slide most of all. I would make the slide at least as thick as the vocal by doubling the track.
As far as song structure...Your chorus is strong enough to have 2 measures of the 2nd verse eliminated to get back to the main hook. Last but not least, the song should fade about 20 sec. sooner with the ending slide busier keeping the same feel.
Great pop song! You've spent some time on it and deserve much credit.
Chico
